Last Day of Spring Break

It's the last day of Spring Break. It's coincided with my Vernal Equinox reflections and the boys being gone.... A bit of a challenging day for me, I think.... so I decided or rather I have been thinking and contemplating that pleasure should be paramount today. I woke up with intentions of being frantically busy all day doing those things that I felt I had wanted done during Spring Break but upon reflection I have decided that I will best be served by taking it easy and doing those things that give me the greatest pleasure and comfort.

The boys were very sad when I left them with their mother in Ozona. My heart is still a bit heavy even though I know I will see them soon. It's the big eyes shying away from meeting my eyes when we say goodbye because they don't want to cry....

I had decided before Spring Break that I would get back on the Atkin's wagon after Spring Break. So this morning I got on the website to find some new recipes because that's what makes it so easy for me to "fall off that wagon" so to speak. Boredom with my meals. My sister and I discussed this at length before Christmas but I never did anything in regards to our discussion so this time, I will make more of an effort to change up the foods I eat. The first few days is the hardest coming off of the sugar/carbohydrate addiction and so I will treat myself kindly.This morning I made scrambled eggs with green onions from my winter garden along with tomato and chopped green pepper. In the spirit of Pioneer Woman, Orangette and Homesick Texan, I have photographed breakfast with my ever faithful digital camera.


Here are the ingredients I used....2 eggs, tomato, a green onion from my winter garden and green chilis
(canned)

and not shown, grated monterey jack cheese, salt, pepper and cayenne pepper.











Here was my final Spring Break breakfast... a great deal of pleasure for me...
An al fresco meal on my patio with my new Fiestaware plate and my gratitude journal... life is good.

Vernal Equinox

I read a new blog today. I was idly thinking of the fact that it is the Vernal Equinox and that I wasn't celebrating with any fanfare this year-- mostly because the boys have occupied all of my thinking, planning and scheming this week ...I had a quiet moment so I went snooping through blogs to find some small way in which to honor the beginning of this new, fresh season. I came across a blog entitled Living in Season with an interesting post. Apparently, the writer is on retreat at a small place in the country. They get to write all day long in silence (or whatever) and then join the other 6 writers for an evening meal.... Sounds like heaven doesn't it? But living alone means I can take the space I need and I don't necessarily need to go somewhere-- I just need to be still.

This is a wonderful time to look at the intentions from the New Year and see how I'm doing. What needs tweaking. What needs to be discarded and what needs to be implemented. What comes to mind quickly, is that I need to get back to walking. I haven't gone walking this week with the boys here and I can feel it. So tomorrow morning perhaps I'll drive out to Pfluger Lake and walk around it as a way to celebrate the Spring. It's a long walk (about 3 miles, I think I was told) and I'll have plenty of time to clear my head after these past weeks. I've got a lot going on and I need to be clear on things.

One thing that I don't think I included in my New Year intentions is time in the garden... and it's spring. Today I actually raked up the yard by the tree house since the kids "cleaned it out". It felt good to be able to rake and organize.... to feel the cool breeze on my skin with the sun peeking through the leaves on the crepe myrtle making patterns around me like fairies dancing... and I remembered all over again how important it is for me to be outside.

My garden has been sadly neglected this winter. It used to be beautiful and lush but due to focusing too much on work, it has become a thistle patch with not much beauty about it at all.... But the roses are blooming as is the Bridal Wreath and oxalis so there is hope. I'd like to move one of the rose bushes to disguise the rain barrel a bit ... and I saw plans for a lovely garden bench that looks easy to build...and I'd like to put in an herb garden this year....

One of my New Year's intentions was to come home earlier from work. Perhaps the call of my lonely garden will inspire me to leave and spend time in the earth....

Back to Mommy

i'm typing this as quietly as i can. you see, i'm back to slipping out of bed quietly before anyone else wakes up so i can enjoy my morning coffee and a bit of alone time before the kids wake up. and please, don't for one moment think that i'm complaining about this-- i'm not. i was just struck by how old behaviors can resurface so quickly.

as a single parent and a working mother, there was never any down time for me. no one to tag team off with. it was my choice-- i was the one who moved a continent away from my family to get a job in my field. anyone who has had kids or even been around them a while knows how much energy and attention they demand. it's relentless. it's overwhelming. it's all consuming and yes, it's worth it-- but it does have a price. for me having my two daughters and being able to provide for them was very important and i certainly don't regret it. i wish had had done lots of things differently-- like said "yes" more often, maybe paying the electric bill before they turned the power off those two times, and perhaps took more vitamins so that i wasn't always so exhausted and grumpy....but those experiences made me the person i am today. (i do like being me.) and i like and love those children that are soon to wake up and leave me wiped out by 9:30. (oh, who am i kidding--i'm a morning person- i get up early and i go to bed early-- always have.) it's just that this week instead of getting up and being my regular noisy self-- i'm stealthy.... even the coffee pot was swathed in towels to mute it's burping noises as it brews my morning bliss...

i love being a mimi. my boys are the most incredible, genius, beautiful boys ever to walk this planet. they are talented and brilliant and messy.. they have no butt so their pants are always sagging low and when i watch them play, i am amazed at how much they can accomplish one-handed (another sure sign of their talent!) as they hold their pants up with the other. belts? they lose them or forget to put them on... and they are already wearing slims...

they make friends with everybody and there's not a neighborhood that they can be in for more than 10 minutes without finding kids to play with and have new friends... it's amazing to me! when we go to my parent's house, a very quiet neighborhood with a few kids in it, there's always a game of something that they've made up with whatever material they have found and far more kids involved in the game than i ever knew lived there. it's like they have a special sonar to detect "friends".

i remember when my daughter found out she was having a boy. i was so confused! i looked at her and said--'i'm not goiing to be able to help you, Missy. I only know girls..." i know she thought i was being ridiculous but i really was (and still am) baffled by the male pysche. it's been okay actually. i have found that raising boys (the little i get to do) is not so different from raising girls.... or i raised my girls like boys.... hmmm (oh well, that's a whole other blog) at any rate i find that my parenting skills and the advice i am able to offer (even unasked-- i know, i'm bad) is much richer for all of my life experiences. i'm better at parenting the second time around- which makes me just a little sad. i would have liked to be perfect for my girls-- but that was part of the problem, i think.

ooops.. some one is up. i'll have to sign off for now. i think i need to snuggle with someone until they wake up completely-- even if he is 9 years old!

My OTHER Passions

I blog a lot about my job. My job is fulfilling to me, both personally and spiritually. It's an important part of who I am, although it's not all of who I am. There are actually other things that I am quite passionate about and 4 of them are headed right this way I as type.

I have two beautiful daughters. They are smart and kind and more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. They are strong and resourceful and I am so proud that I know them. They each have married, and from their marriages have come the most beautiful grandchildren anyone could ever want. Melissa and her three boys are on their way to spend Spring Break with me and I think I've come up with a good combination of fun stuff to do, NEW stuff to do and plenty to keep them busy and happy. Melissa won't be staying too long as she recently got a job and needs to return back to El Paso for that, but I'll be keeping the boys here with me through the week. That will be fun-- I hope. If they don't miss their mom too much and get homesick. But I'm up for the challenge.

I've got some plans. They're all tentative as I hate to commit myself too early and then find out that some one is crabby or some one else expects us to go here but for today, I have a few important errands to finish. #1 on the list is to mail off the acceptance of the teacher exchange to Scotland(!) and #2 is to finally get that huge family portrait we had done last summer framed at Micheal's. (They're having a 55%off sale.) After that-- anything else that gets done is gravy... and I'll have the good fortune to have my boys with me...

We'll have to go to Gatti Land... I don't like it-- the pizza is not good and the noise is overwhelming but the boys love to go. Of course, we're also going to go to Austin Park and Pizza so maybe that will supercede Gatti Land. heeeheeeheee (that's my evil chuckle). Then we're going out to my sister's house who lives in Bastrop. They live in a wooded subdivision and the boys love to run through the woods and hunt creatures. My niece and nephew love it when the boys come to visit. They play together really well. I am always worried that with the family so spread out, that the boys won't have a sense of family so we always do family things...and of course, we'll go see Grandma and Grandpa. I've got the ingredients for a peanut butter pie that I've been meaning to make for my dad for months and haven't got to it yet, so I'll let the boys help me. They like to help me cook... I'll make my famous "Mimi's Homemade Waffles".... I think I'm going to try to take them to the ceramics shop that opened up here in Pflugerville. If we can paint something here, perhaps I can give it to Melissa for Mother's Day...But I think I'm trying to pack too much into a short week because on Saturday I'll have to drive them to Ozona. No, my daughter would drive the entire way to Pflugerville to pick up the boys but that would be cruel and unusual punishment so I'll meet them at the mid-way point and we'll just each have a nice road trip without being overwhelmed.

Hmmm. Is that their car I hear pulling into the driveway?

The Ring

Today one of my little boys gave me a ring. It was a beautiful tin, adjustable ring with a paste-on purple gem. He stopped me before our usual morning hug (that's how my class and I greet each other in the morning) and looked at me with very deep, intense eyes and said, "Mrs. Klein, I have something for you." I knew right then it was a ring and I was in awe of this little boy in front of me-- how brave, how sweet. But because I am a chicken and have commitment issues, I tried to get out of it by saying, "Maybe you could show me in the classroom?" No, he was adamant, "Mrs.Klein, this is for you!" and he offered me the ring. "Oh Henry!" I replied, "It's beautiful. I love this color!" He looked at me puzzled and said "Your favorite color is green..." (He's going to be a thoughtful boyfriend and husband!) "It is, but I also love purple and today this IS my favorite color!" He then proceeded to give me a bear hug, which I returned whole-heartedly. I wore the ring the entire day and despite losing the "gemstone" twice, it was still on my hand when he returned later that evening for the Second Grade Musical program. "Oh," he said casually, "you still have it on!" His mother and I shared a secret smile.

I want to love like a 7 year old again.... so easily and fearlessly...with my whole heart and without expectation...trusting my heart to know what to do and not get tangled up in overthinking everything... But until I relearn that skill, I shall wear my beautiful ring to remind me how pure and precious love is. And how very lucky I am to be a teacher.

But, once again, I find myself wondering who is teaching whom?

Luck and Ruby Payne

I am constantly amazed by my students-- but, sometimes not in a good way. Today I was walking through the hallway with Juan Pablo and we were talking. In my head, I was conducting a language development lesson with him because Juan Pablo needs all the good English modeling he can hear and these walks through the hallway after bus duty allow me a brief 4 minute window of concentrated modeling . And while I very often speak in colloquial English, during these sessions with Juan Pablo I keep my language filter high so I only model the best English that I can offer. We were talking about the writing assignment from yesterday in which students were supposed to write about computers. ie. How they use them, why they like them, what frustrates them etc. Juan Pablo was saying that he was so lucky that he's got a really high score in Symphony Math (a computer-based math tutorial program we have for our students). I looked at Juan Pablo and said, "No, it's not luck that has caused you to have such a high score, Juan Pablo, it's your hard work that has earned those points." "Yeah, I know," he replies, "I'm lucky like that." And he flashes me his cutest grin. "No," I say shaking my head and speaking a little louder and enunciating carefully. "Your high score is because you work hard and and you're good at math, Juan Pablo. It's not luck, it's your actions." "Yeah, I know. I'm so lucky." he says grinning and looking pleased with himself.

My steps falter for a moment and I swear that Ruby Payne flashes into view in front of me in her svelte red power suit lecturing me, "The biggest difference between children raised in poverty and those raised in our middle class is that children raised in a middle-class home understand a causal relationship between hard work and grades while those raised in poverty attribute their success to luck and therefore are never responsible for what happens to them. This, more than anything else, will hold them back and keep them in poverty."

Words enough to send chills down any teacher's back but this is my student and I am unwilling to accept that. I say, rather sharply, "You are not listening to my words, Juan Pablo. You EARNED those points through your hard work. Luck has nothing to do with it." "Okay, Ms. Klein..." he says, trying to pacify me.

Little does he know that he has just waved a red cape in front of me and we are by our locked classroom door. He stops and waits for me to unlock the door but I turn to face him and bend down to meet him eye to eye. I gently cup his round cheeks in my hands and look into his eyes. His eyes widen a bit as this isn't something I do very often, but this important to me. "Juan Pablo," I say softly, "I need you to listen carefully to me." He nods slowly looking at me in wonder. "Juan Pablo, you are not lucky. You are smart and you are a hard worker. That's why you have so many points in Symphony Math. YOU earned those points. Now look at me and tell me you are a hard worker." "I'm a hard worker." "Yes, Juan Pablo, you are a hard worker and now, tell me you are smart." His face lights up in my hands and his smile splits his face in two, "I AM smart!" "Yes, you are smart. You are smart and a hard worker and that's why you will get lots of points in many things, not just Symphony Math." I pause because my heart is screaming so loud I can't move. "I will not allow anyone, ANYONE-- not even you, to be less than your totality, Juan Pablo," I shout silently. I catch my breath finally and smile into his eyes and say, "Now, let's go read." "Okay Ms. Klein!"

This isn't over, by any stretch of the imagination. I will be all over this now that it has come to the forefront of my thoughts. I'll be on the lookout to reinforce this with all of my students because they are all so very important.

I have no idea of what they will do or be... but I do know that they are the most precious of gifts to humanity.

They are our children.